arse

I'm attending a wedding next weekend. A rather special one. So I've been looking for a dress to wear. Not just any dress, but a dress that is suitable for the occation as well as for my rather voluptuous figure.

Today I found it. It is just the most perfect, wonderful, funky dress in bright colours. It was just hanging there, lonely on a hanging rail in a shop. the last one. And it was two sizes too small.

Bugger and arse! Any good tips on how to loose about two stone in a week anyone?